He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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