I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
