I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
