so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
