Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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