Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
