I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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