also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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