You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
