Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You're a waste of cheezeits
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
