i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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