she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize