Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize