If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
