theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
