Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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