please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
This house was built for laser tag.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
