He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
There are leaves in my underwear?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize