last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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