That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
that's an acceptable place to lick
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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