Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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