Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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