Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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