nut hugger
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
