I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
