but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
