Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
honey bunches of taint.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize