he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
