i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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