how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
