sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
