Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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