I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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