Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
