Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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