Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
