Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
