I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
