my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
