my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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