so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
