Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
