I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
