i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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