I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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