im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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