maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
