Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
