i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
