I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
