Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
