Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
