Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
