What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
