she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
