i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
a search helicopter?!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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