she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
