theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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