She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
