3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
