what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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