Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
