I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
