He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
only if we run a train.
done.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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