Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the condom got lost in my hair
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
