Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
