If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
