It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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