oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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