I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
