I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
