I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
