Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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