Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
