I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
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