She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
