They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize