don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
