CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just gargled with NyQuil
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
