Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
