Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize