I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
