Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
