It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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