Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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