I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
