Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
