No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
