At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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