ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
